I wanna be startin' something

I know it’s been a while. What can I say? I wish I could be someone who updates daily or weekly, but I guess I’m just not that interesting.

But you have Michael Jackson to thank for this update.

I am on vacation this week, which fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your stance) gives me the opportunity to waste 2 hours, I mean, watch the “funeral” of Michael Jackson.

Now, I have to say, when I heard there would be a public memorial, I did expect to hear pop singers recreating his music. I expected to see sobbing fans. I expected to see a retrospective of his life. I even expected his brothers (damn you Jermaine) to try and steal the spotlight.

Sidenote – did you know Jermaine has a son named JERMADGESTY? I am not making that up. Check Wikipedia.

But as I like to say, I digress.

What I didn’t expect to see was MJ being compared to Martin Luther King Jr. Or hearing that he made Magic Johnson a better basketball player. Or that he will live forever twice (huh? Smokey Robinson – WTF?) Or see him held up as a shining example to the world. Or called the best entertainer in the world. Ever. Hello? Have you not seen David Hasselhoff in concert?

I do not dispute that he gave millions to charity. I do not dispute that he was likely a good father to his kids; at least, as good as he knew how to be, given his paternal example. I do not dispute that he possessed a musical talent not seen in many others.

However.

Let’s not forget that this person was a suspected pedophile. And on not just one occasion. He spent MILLIONS to pay off the first victim who came forward. As some wise dude once said “where’s there smoke, there’s fire.” Word, Captain Obvious!

I’m torn. I feel nostalgic about his music. I remember when Thriller came out, when Michael moonwalked for the first time publicly, when the Jacksons reunited and when he set his hair on fire. I was younger, thinner, single. Good times indeed. I’m not ashamed to say I bust a move to Beat It or Wanna Be Startin’ Something. I may have googled mamase, mamasaw, mo ma cu saw.

But I’m not especially sad that he’s gone. However bad that makes me as a person, there it is. You can’t expect to abuse your body the way he did and live forever. (Twice) It’s not like when Princess Diana died or the Space Shuttle exploded or when President Kennedy was shot. At the end of the day, he was a pop star. Not a humanitarian, a president, a civil rights worker. He didn't cure cancer, or AIDS, or leprosy. He didn't bring a dead girl back from the dead, make water into wine or walk on water. He was not Jesus or Mother Teresa or the Pope or even Barack Obama. He sang and danced. So did Shirley Temple, but I bet she doesn't get this sendoff.

And as I write this, his daughter is on stage. To me, that has crossed the line. Are we worried about who will end up with custody of these kids? They need to be sent out to my Uncle Alan in Kansas, who delights in teaching "city kids" how to tough it out.

This has now turned into every Hollywood production that you make fun of but don’t really think will happen. Who is the ad wizard that came up with this schlock? Whose funeral gets a commemorative program? Did they sell t-shirts? What KoolAid did those people in New York and London drink? The ones who were holding hands and singing “We are the World?”

And who is next? Will Britney or Madonna get the same send off?
Ugh.

Everyone who knows me knows how much I love to read about celebrities. But this event was just so sickening; like a parody of a funeral. Now we’ll be left with newspeople and talking heads speculating on what it all means, what his contribution to society will be and maybe even pushing for his sainthood. I’m sure the DVD will be out soon. And while I joke about a Jackson brother reunion, I don’t think it’s too far out of the realm of possibility. They do, after all, need somewhere else to wear the sequined gloves they were sporting today.

My aunt made a comparison earlier today about the fall of the Roman empire. I don’t usually entertain thoughts like that; I don’t pretend to be smart enough to relate history to current events, BUT, maybe she’s right. Too much obsession with celebrity could be our downfall in the end. When we turn to people like Jon and Kate (and the unfortunate 8 they drag along with them) as a commentary on marriage and divorce, or Britney Spears as a poster child for mental illness....we are losing touch. And I'm a bad offender, I admit.

So right now, I am going to get out my “20 Most Important Events in American History” book and read it cover to cover AND I’m not going to watch any reality TV for the rest of the day. Even though it’s my vacation.

And as Michael eases on down the road to the tune of $4 million, I hope that we all have learned something from this spectacle and that his kids can go back to as "normal" a life as they can.

Peace out.